Heavily edited and slightly shortened- Enjoy and stay tuned for more!
PROLOUGE
Hi, I'm not too sure about this whole writing thing to be honest with you. Let's get that straight from the start- That sounds awkward. Instead say, "straight from the start" I have never written more than about 500 words in my life, let alone more than 500 words about my life. As my life is kinda fucked up, I thought I'd do this account in an also fucked up way. Kinda reflective, don't you think? That's why I decided I'd start here at the beginning of the end. Yep, you got it, I'm starting this narrative not at the start, but further along down the line, the part just before the end but not quite there, where there are still a few things left to happen before the grand finale of my life. Still with me?
Okay, so here I am, sitting in a darkened room in a warehouse. One of those old, abandoned and lonely sort of warehouses. At the moment , I'm in an office with just a torch, my diary, a pen and paper, and a bottle of Smirnoff keeping me company on this night, as they say, to end all nights. I come here often to reflect when I really am feeling incredibly shitty and at my lowest ebb (and believe me I have been here a lot over the past few months). And tonight, being one of those shitty nights, I'm here again. But this time I've had a crazy thought (probably alcohol induced), what if I write down what's being going on in my life recently, try and come to terms with what it all means and shit.
I suppose in all this mucked up work of that I call a piece of literature, you the reader has been left out in the dark at this point, haven't you? You're probably wondering why am I sitting in the warehouse, why am I writing this thing (this diary I suppose, of sorts)? Well, to be honest with you, I'd rather not be writing about this in the first place. That is to say I wish the things that I am writing about had never happened. But oh well, that's life for you, eh?
It would make sense to start with the beginning, moving on through the various events so we slowly make our way to the end. But with my story, I start with the beginning, hit a dramatic climax and ride a roller-coaster of exciting events to a dramatic finale. I wish.
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You need a comma after the word 'abandoned'.
Ah, no spaces before a comma.
You should have started that with a capital letter, and put a question mark at the end since it's a question. If you want to continue this as a part of the sentence instead of a thought, then there's no need to capitalize it.
It would sound better like 'you, the reader, ...'
Other than that, I have nothing else I can say about your story. It provided a chilling atmosphere, and I want to know what happened to the MC. Great work with this!